Insanity. A journey through paranoia, grandiosity and pure madness. Psychosis. I lost the grip of reality. Dream or reality? Reality or a nightmare? How can I tell the difference? Everyone tells me that my experiences are not shared by them. My reality is different than your reality. Who can I trust? My own brain or your brain? I am travelling to unknown territory and yet it seems familiar. Have I been here in a dream? A nightmare? But something seems off… I am confused, scared. An intense anxiety is blurring my sight. Who can I trust? I am certain I am being followed. Something sinister is out to get me. Where ever I go it is there. Watching. Waiting for the right moment to take me away. Where is the light? Where is the benign powers and who can safe me? Now I am sure. You are not to be trusted. You are trying to deceive me. You say I am not in my right mind. You try to convince me that what I see is not true. There is no CIA surveilling me. Ha! I can see what you are. You are the enemy. Leave me alone! You do not understand, you are totaly ignorant of the veil you have over your eyes. But I have seen through the illusion. I know. I am the enlighted one. I have to save the world! I am the Savior of humanity! Why can't you understand that? You are so stupid and cannot see or understand how brilliant I am! Fuck you and the rest of the world! I am going to another dimension with enlighted beings. I have been called. I am the choosen one. Ha! Just wait and see.
"Janne, you are sick", says the person in front of me. He says he is a doctor. He wants to help me. "Take this medication. They are going to cure you", he tells me. How do I know that he really is a doctor? How do I know he is not trying to poison me?
I took the medication. My family begged me. I could see the love in their eyes. So I took the medication. I cannot think. I do not feel anything. I am an emotional zombie. Suddenly the world looks grey and ugly. The trees. The trees. I cannot look at them. The trees makes my cry. Why do they look so treacherous? I feel alone. So alone. Where is the light? Where is the magic of the world? They won. I lost. Life. How can I go on living? The trees. The branches trying to reach the sky. The sky. So empty of meaning. We are all alone in the vast, black and cold universe. I feel so alone. Perhaps I were insane? A mad man, howling into the darkness. No one heard me. I, a mad man. Insane. They told me I had a psychosis. I do not care. The magic is gone. Angels, spirits. How could I think I am special? I am nobody. A fool. Alone. Embarrassed. I have to hide from the world. Forever. Alone. Forever. A mad man.